Your Love Is The Death Of Me (Newtmas)
by LitrallyPhan
Summary: Angsty Newtmas one-shot. Newt loved Thomas, and even though Thomas has moved on, Newt can't. And there's only one thing left to resort to. Character Death. BoyxBoy. One sided- ThomasXNewt Mentioned- ThomasXMinho and MinhoXTeresa. Trigger Warning. Angst. R&R! (Sorry the summary sucks...)
**A/N: Hey guys! So if you know me, you know that I don't really post a lot of my Angsty stories. I'm a fluffy, adorable kind of shipper so it's not really my thing when it comes to fanfiction. But because of me being in an Angsty mood today, I decided fuck it... This is an AU from my teen romance novel, and I thought it would work fine with Newtmas so yeah. Enjoy! R &R (THIS IS AN AU SO NO MAZE AND STUFF THANKS!)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the maze runner trilogy or any of its characters. Oops, what a shame.**

 **Warning: Character Death, Angst.**

 **Trigger Warning: Suicide, Depression.**

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 _A/N: I wrote this listening to ' **Stone Cold by Demi Lovato** ' and if you want to, I feel like it might enhance the story if you listen to it while reading this. Thanks -Rain_

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 **Newt's Pov**

So that was it.

That was the last time that Thomas would be here...with me. I don't know how it happened exactly. Of course, I knew it would happen someday. I just thought it would be longer. You can only imagine how many mixed feelings I've had about this all.

At the wedding, I was the happiest I've probably ever been in my life. I was ready to get married to Tommy, the love of the my life, my everything... He had seemed uneasy, but I had just thought he was nervous. When the pastor had asked for any objections, you can only imagine how hurt I was when Minho, my best friend, stood up with his hand raised. You can only imagine what dread I felt when I saw the small but evident smile on Thomas' face as he looked to see Minho's hand raised.

You can only imagine how hard I cried once I was forgotten at the alter, while Thomas and Minho ran out together, hand in hand. You can only imagine how much anger I felt towards myself for being stupid enough to let myself think that Thomas actually loved me the way I loved him.

I haven't smiled again since that day 2 months ago.

They had come back to Thomas and I's shared apartment together a couple days after the fiasco, to tell me how ' _sorry_ ' they were for doing this to me, and how they just couldn't help their ' _undying love_ ' for each other. I told them that they could stay here until they were able to find their own place, as long as they kept their distance. Simply because I wasn't ready for Thomas to leave yet...After apologizing 50 more times, and _thanking_ me for letting them stay, they got settled into the guest room across the hall from me.

Teresa, Minho's girlfriend who had been there during the wedding and had to go through the same thing I had, didn't think twice about trying to cling onto Minho. She left. Like I should've. She blocked Minho out completely. Like I should've. She found someone else. Like I should've.

I didn't leave. I stayed. I shouldn't have. I tried to keep Thomas in my life. I shouldn't have. I didn't find anyone else. I cried myself to sleep at night. Alone.

How do you think I felt when I could hear them through the walls at night? How do you think I felt when they walked down the hallways holding each other the way Thomas and I used to? How do you think I felt this morning, when they had finished packing the rest of their things, and had filled up their rental car? How do you think I felt when Thomas said goodbye, trying to be as sincere and inawkward as possible, though he knew how awful he was for doing this to me? How do you think I felt, when they walked through that front door for the last time?

I wanted to die. I wanted to die more than I had ever wanted to die in my entire lifetime. So that's exactly what I did.

And I did it the exact way I told everyone I never would.

I took Thomas' old pistol that I had locked away in my desk drawer, loaded with one single bullet. I sat on _our_ bed, with _his_ scent pouring out of it. The one scent I wanted to breathe in with my last breath. And I clutched the last picture I had of him as close to my person as I possibly could, before putting the gun up to my temple, and letting one last tear slip...

Then I pulled the trigger, because maybe wherever I go next, will be better than the heartbreaking hell I lived in.

 ** _Fin._**


End file.
